Let Me Get This Straight…. A Readers’ Digest Condensed Version of the Election

Take a deep breath and try to follow along:
    Hillary cheated her way into the presidential candidacy. We know this because John Podesta’s password was “password ” so he spilled the beans.  This makes her an illegitimate candidate.
    But Trump is an illegitimate president because she won the popular vote.
    But she isn’t the president because:
        The Constitution says so, (but no one on the left understands this).
        Her server was not secure – which was illegal, but never mind. That’s what the FBI said, “Never mind.”
        Neither was Podesta’s – which was monumentally stupid,
        Neither was Huma’s, and Weiner got a hold of it – and he shouldn’t get a hold of anything,
        Wikileaks found out a lot of things and leaked some--
        Meanwhile:
                back in the Kremlin, Putin was lurking somewhere in the murky corners trying to decide who he wanted to root for,
                 back in Washington, FBI agents and CIA spooks were skulking around in the cyberbunk looking for smoking guns,
                  in newsrooms all over the country, editors were busy making up stories about Trump and burying things about Hillary
                  and out at the airport, Slick Willy was nose-to-nose with Loretta Lynch. Shortly thereafter, Comey made his speech declaring Hillary both guilty and innocent.

Then votes were counted, and counted, and counted. Ninety percent of the media swooned and foamed at the mouth.

Now, the man isn’t even in office yet, but screams of impeachment ricochet through the halls of Congress – which, by the way, is now also Republican – which makes it hard to prove that Trump stole the presidential election, but we’re talking about liberals here, so little proof is necessary. The left thinks this apocalypse is happening because of some weird alliance made up of Trump + Putin + the FBI + Rush, oh, and the KKK that, by means of Facebook memes and chem trails, crept into people’s minds and made them vote conservative. Am I remembering this right?  

Friday he’ll swear an oath on the Lincoln Bible promising to protect the people and the Constitution, but few celebrities will be there because either they’ve been threatened if they show, or they really think their absence will mark that day in infamy and the tape will rewind and Barry will walk backward into the Oval Office and their fairytale will continue. Screw Hillary. And not to worry; a couple million bikers are supposed to be there to keep the peace. This is how we elect presidents post Obama – that’s quite a legacy.